Never Forgotten

Everything Fell Into Place

Making Dreams Come True

Solving One of the Great Mysteries of Christmas

The old Monty Python TV show used to use an ongoing transition device in their shows – “. . . and now for something completely different.”  Co-opting that theme, this blog entry takes a break from the usual Christianity, Creation, and politics discussions for a practical Christmas theme.

One of the greatest mysteries surrounding Christmas, at least according to a large percentage of our population, is what to get a man for Christmas.  We hear it all the time, “Men are so hard to buy for.”  “I just don’t have any idea what to get my husband/boyfriend/guy-in-my-life.”

Well, relax.  In this brief composition, we are going to put those fears and anxious thoughts to rest.  The secrets of how to make the men in your life happy this holiday season are to be revealed!

First, a few brief disclaimers:  I am writing as a married, non-millennial, male who has never entertained the idea of putting on a dress in order to feel “fabulous.”  I firmly believe that there are only two biological sexes; that gender is fixed, not fluid; and that there are distinct, innate psychological differences between men and women that no amount of hormone injections and binge-watching of The View will ever change for men.

I also realize that far too many Millennial men have been so feminized by our culture and single-parent households that some of what I have to suggest here may not seem to apply.  However, even these sad cases can be rehabilitated by regular trips to Cabela’s, Tractor Supply Co., and the home improvement store of your preference!  Also helpful – binge-watching episodes of the old Lone Ranger TV series!

So, how does one successfully buy gifts for the men in your lives?  I want to suggest four ideas.

1.  ASK: 

Find out what it is exactly that your man wants.  Far too many men have been disappointed and ladies frustrated by the fact that the gift giving effort was not appreciated and the gift received wasn’t what was desired.

It’s been said that men don’t listen very well, but when it comes to gift giving, ladies can be guilty of this too.  If a man says he wants a hammer or a fishing reel or a pair of running shoes, please keep in mind that he probably has a specific model/style/variety in mind.  If you take the time to find out exactly what he wants and you give it to him, you will be called ‘fairest in all the land”!

But, if you just grab the first hammer, reel, or shoes you see, get ready for a tepid, polite response that will make everyone unhappy.

I remember a wife telling a story several years ago about how she set out to surprise her husband with a kayak for Christmas.  She went to the store and bought the kayak; struggled to get it into her car to bring it home; wrestled it into her house; and ingeniously hid it from his view until Christmas.  She managed to secretly get it under the tree and give him a grand surprise on Christmas morning.

But, there was just one glitch – she got him the wrong one!  He was frustrated.  She was angry and hurt.  What she got was the wrong model from the one he wanted.  It wasn’t a price difference thing.  It had to do with application for how he intended to use it.

This illustrates perfectly what I’m talking about.  If this wife had just taken a few more minutes and coyly asked a few more questions, her extraordinary efforts to get her husband the perfect gift would have paid off handsomely for both of them.

A number of years ago, my wife and I were watching The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe on TV.  During the movie, when Peter received his sword from Father Christmas, I commented to my wife that Peter’s sword was one of the ones I wanted to get some day (I have a small fantasy sword collection for office decorations).  I also remember telling her that there are “knock-off” versions of all the fantasy swords out there that are cheaply made and not “official.”

At the time, I wasn’t thinking about getting a gift, but she remembered what I said and when Christmas came, later in the year, guess what I received?  Yep. The very sword I commented about (And, it was the “official” one too!).  She cared enough to listen to what I wanted and she did a great job in buying something I really wanted.  It still hangs next to my desk in my office.

2.  Quantity Doesn’t Equal Quality:

Some people insist that the more gifts someone has to open on Christmas morning, the better the Christmas experience is.  That may be true for a 6 year old, but not for most men I know.  We would rather three gifts that we really want than a dozen that are so-so.

To illustrate my point, remember the scene in A Christmas Story where Randy and Ralphie are opening gifts?  Remember what they do in unison when they open packages of socks?  Yep. That’s how men feel about gifts they really don’t want or need. 

So, save the time, effort, and frustration and don’t try to fill the floor with gifts that your guy really isn’t excited about getting.  Otherwise, you may feel unappreciated when he doesn’t give you great kudos over a pack of new underwear!

My former mother-in-law had this mentality.  She thought she had to get everyone a bunch of gifts to open no matter what they were.  One Christmas back in the 90s, my oldest son was a rabid Dallas Cowboys/Troy Aikman fan.  We got him several Cowboys/Aikman gifts that year.  When he went to his grandparents’ house to open Christmas presents there, one of the things she got him was an NFL drink tumbler.  But, the problem was that she got him a Houston Oilers mug, not a Dallas Cowboys mug.  He was polite, but she was clueless.  It was something she got on clearance somewhere, I guess. By the 90s, the Houston Oilers were one of the losingest teams in the NFL.  I told him later he didn’t have to use it if he didn’t want to.  I think we later sold it at a yard sale for around 10 cents.

She also pulled a similar gaff on me.  One Christmas, during the time I was coaching my sons in roller hockey, she gave me a tie for Christmas.  I have a number of novelty ties, so it wasn’t a bad idea.  But, she thought she was getting me a tie with a repeated pattern of hockey players on it.  Sadly, she probably wasn’t wearing her glasses when she bought it because what I opened was a tie with skiers on it!  No, I don’t ski and neither does anyone in my family.

3.  When In Doubt – Gift Cards Are Great:

Most men I know would love to get gift cards to their favorite stores.  That way they can enjoy shopping for things they really want or discover while shopping there.

If you aren’t sure what to get your man, at least get him a gift card to a place you know he loves to shop.  He will be thrilled, I guarantee it.  And, when he does use it to get something he wants, you will get praise and thanks all over again from him for your thoughtfulness.

Remember, one good gift card is worth a half a dozen so-so gifts that he really didn’t want!

One Christmas, my wife was at a loss as to what to get me.  Her solution?  She hung several gift cards on the tree for me for various places and things she knew I liked.  Some were fast food.  Some were home improvement stores.  But, it was a great Christmas because I could enjoy it for weeks afterwards.

The bigger stores all have specialty gift card boxes to “fancy up” the gift.  Don’t be afraid to use them.  That’s what I often do for my oldest son.  I get him gift cards to stores I know he needs to buy stuff in for his farm.  He gets to shop and also get things he might not normally buy for himself.

4.  It Isn’t Always About Spending Money:

Men tend to be simple creatures.  To make us happy, you don’t always have to wow us with your shopping prowess.  Sometimes you can give us gifts that we love without spending a dime.

What do I mean?  Well, what are some of the things you do for your guy that he loves?   For one of my birthdays, my wife made me a specialty homemade pizza.  She likes making homemade pizza anyway, but this one had pepperoni, mushrooms, bacon, and shrimp on it!  It was wonderful; a great birthday present.

How about making up a coupon book for your guy for say half a dozen massages?  No real man would turn that down!  For you married couples, I could be more explicit, but I’ll leave that to your imagination.

My point is that if you are creative, you can have the happiest guy on the planet without breaking the bank.

I hope these suggestions are helpful.  It really isn’t all that difficult to buy for a man.  It just takes a little bit of time, a willingness to listen, and a desire to meet his needs.

And, BTW – for most men, this kind of practical love will be reflected back to you many times over!

Merry Christmas!

The Season of the Impossible